I used to live in a place called Zamzama, it’s a high-end commercial area. There are designer shops all around, expensive restaurants, flashy cars and what not. It has a reputation for being very high-end, so I was pretty surprised when I noticed prostitutes as early as 7pm, dressed like this.

If you followed the link I’m just playing. This is how they look…

This woman is NOT a prostitue, but prostitutes also dress like this.

I think what these prostitutes are doing in Pakistan needs to be replicated in all states, bringing decency to the profession and making it acceptable.

So how do you tell if they are prostitutes? They usually walk in pairs, one dressed in burqa and the other in regular clothes, and when you stop your car or slow down, they will come to you.

In other instances, they will call out as you walk past ‘ Up and Rising? ‘ 😀 hahahaha


There are so many she-males on the streets, that you get used to them. They beg during the day, and at night  some of them prostitute themselves…which tells you a lot about the number of gay people there are living here.

-10 if you thought this was a woman


I.      There is no suspicion greater than that of a Pakistani girl. My rule is don’t speak until you are spoken to, and even then, proceed with caution lest someone thinks you are a budding rapist.

II.      For some reason, these girls have some huge feet, HUGE!!


In my time here, I have encountered hashish around every other corner. Hashish is like weed, but stinks a whole lot more, and is treated with some chemicals (citation needed). It’s a really common habit to smoke-up, so every other person does it.

But I have also seen people shoot up horse tranquilizer and others high on ecstasy…yes horse tranquilizer…do you know how strong a horse is, and you want to try the stuff that can put it down?!

The horseshit stuff

There is also some substance that is completely legal in the UAE (even saw people using it at the airport).  I forget its name, but it comes in a tiny little bottle or cylinder, and you smoke it in a tiny little tiny pipe. Apparently it slows down everything for a few seconds, including your heart…crazy Arabs.

5.      ON WEATHER

I left all my warm clothes in Nairobi, December came and I froze to death. Winter is as cold as Nairobi in July. Summer though, is going to get to 45 degrees, not looking forward to that.

And up North in Pakistan, it actually snows in winter. This is my plan for June 2012 btw, it actually looks like this, saw it in my friend’s album from his honeymoon. FEEL KIWARU!

6.       ON AKON

I can safely conclude that Akon is the most famous black man in Pakistan. That’s probably because he did this song, and its AKON so off course it was a collaboration.

Oh, and now that there is a shortage of black foreigners in Pakistan, excited Pakistanis say to us, especially my Ugandan pal because he is pretty dark ‘You look like AKON…’ Yesterday we were both with a couple of friends at a concert, and ended up taking maybe 20 photos with complete strangers who kept interrupting our conversation on how to take over the workd to ask us to pose with them.


I tried to use this once, in those laterines that use water…the ones that in home science were called Indian laterines. water-latrines. I had to take off my pants, cause really, I didn’t know what else to do, and I was trying to embrace the culture. I spent half an hour in the toilet, HALF AN HOUR!

For best results, don't wipe, wash it away: ps, the scar is from a gun, gangsta! 😀

I have since been converted to using these things, cause seriously, your ass will be so much cleaner. TMI possibly, I know.


I.      If there is 1 seat, and both you and a Pakistani are standing, let him sit.  Expect him to refuse your invitation and ask you to sit instead. So then, engage him in a rather forceful argument, and even try push him into the chair. The more forceful your politeness, the better. Eventually, you will both remain standing until someone brings a chair.

II.      If someone offers to pay for something you want to pay for, act offended and even insult them.

Always be polite

III.      Never EVER forget to shake hands. I met a couple of my friend’s pals one morning on our way to fish.

( I caught one fish after an hour, everyone else caught 4 and over…woiye )

Anyway, so one of the guys was on his phone when we got there, so naturally, I didn’t say hi. He sulked at me the whole morning; I should have said hi even if he was on the phone…which is why when you call someone; you will hear them stop to talk to other people as you are put on hold.

9.       ON ACCENTS

These guys, in another life must have been Kenyan. The number of accents I have heard here. From British, to American to sijui Anglosaxophonepiano. Even though I suspect I am joining the fray, at least I can claim it’s only because I need to  be understood; these brand of Pakistanis, I don’t know what they are doing, I just don’t gerrit. 😀

10.   ON ISLAM

 An interesting story in Islam, told very simply because I can’t  remember the details.

Once upon a time in history, the Muslims were being persecuted; and one of their prophets/ Allah told them to go to Africa- He told them that they would find a black Christian king, and that he would save them. So they did as they were told, and when they found the black king, they explained their faith and their situation to him. The king listened to them, and when they were done,  he drew a line in the sand with his finger. He then declared that the difference between Islam and Christianity was as thin as that line and with that granted them refuge from their persecutors.

Still on the black king, it has been foretold that this will happen again, i.e. that Muslims will be persecuted, and they will be saved again by a black king…now that this guy is dead, maybe this is the king to watch…if so, pole sana.



Late at night, you might hear a guy on the street with these metal clangers, jingling them so that you know he is there. Apparently, he is a traditional massage-dude, so you can call him into your house or go out on the street for him to massage you.

You also see them on street corners at night, sitting at the traffic signals with litte bottles of massage oil, their trademark sign. Why this activity is done mostly at night, I will never understand..but I hear some touch some nerve at the back of your neck then you black out and they rob you CLEAN. LOL!!

I walked in on a massage-dude doing his thing in some grass outside a friend's house, it was quite awkward.

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  1. savvykenya says:

    That muslim shower….shudder! Maybe one day, I just don’t know how to operate it!

    And the Akon song.. so interesting! Did you notice the guys and chicks have the same shaking-hips-and-swaying-waist dancing style? So gay for the dudes, LOL!

    • Just Jere says:

      hahaha, ati don’t know how to operate it? just press and wash away 😀 lol about the dance moves.true! thats indian music btw (you can’t just be there in nyandes as a Pakistani artist) , bollywood is big in pakistan.

      • savvykenya says:

        Let’s just say you decide to use the muslim toilet. Explain to me how you wash away? Don’t you get water all over the floor? Do you have to remove everything you are wearing from the waist down? And do you hold the tube of water with one hand and wash with the other? And then do you get a towel to wipe yourself dry? Do you bend over or squat? Soo many questions! I don’t get the mechanics of how it works!

      • Just Jere says:

        Ok, I only know how to use it properly in the toilet where you sit, I have not become a pro yet to use it in the water latrine. Step 1: Empty your faecal cavities Step 2: After you have excreted as relevance calls for it, reach out for the shower with your right hand and lean slighlt forward but still remain seated Step 3: Position the shower at the desired angle (behind you) Step 4: Press the trigger, and simulaneously use your insert your left hand into any crevice you may suspect needs cleaning. Step 5:Leave to drip-dry for a few seconds (most of it will drip-dry) Step 6: Wipe away the remaining droplets (where tissue is available) or preferrably, just put on your inner garments and leave.

        If you carefully study these steps, you should face no impediments and unexplainable wet clothing (or foul smells). For advanced courses, please contact Moha

  2. savvy says:

    Ok here’s how to stay clean; do your ‘business’ before showering, wipe clean as usual. Then during shower time clean all crevices 😀

  3. mumbi says:

    I can’t believe you gave a step by step guide on how to use the shower. looool

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