If you asked me what I thought about religion 2 years ago, I’d tell you. If you asked me what I thought about gay people, I’d tell you. If you asked me what I thought about abortion, I’d give you a sure answer. 2 years ago, if you asked me what I wanted in life, I wasn’t sure, if you asked me what I thought was important, I’d give you an answer that I wasn’t convinced of.
2 years later, i.e. today, it’s all different. I’m pretty sure about who I am, and I know what kind of people I like. The ideal girl I’d have described 2 years ago is nothing like the one I’d describe today, but then again, I don’t think she has a description anymore- save for a few key things, and they have nothing to do with looks, race, religion, colour etc prefer natural hair though 😉 But there are a lot of opinions I don’t have – makes me feel a little lost, but I know all in good time I will have an answer.
There are obviously a lot of lessons in growing older, even if it’s just 2 years older – there’s a significant change. Probably the stage in life has a lot to do with it, I doubt the difference between 30 and 32 will be as big as the difference between 23 and 25/26.
I think it’s what happens when you aren’t still. It’s only been 2 years since I was permanently home, and people spend a lot more time away from home – my best friend’s been away from home for 7 years and counting, though he’s spent it all in one country, making a trip/s home every year. I think that changes things a little, when you have a routine, even if you’ve been home for a long time, you are a little more stable, it’s not such a rollercoaster. You have the same friends, you go to the same church, you know the same neighbourhood, you drink the same beer.
I’ve said a lot of goodbyes these past 2 years, because I am always meeting people on transit like me. The goodbyes were tasteless at first, but I have come to like them…it’s a little romantic to think that you will never see someone who you have come to call a friend. It makes things more urgent, it makes you (or me) want to enjoy life more. Bond with that person, listen to their music and eat their food, listen to their woes and lose it when you tell them yours. You will never see them again, and that’s humbling. It doesn’t mean the goodbye means nothing, it’s just a peaceful goodbye.
But on to lighter things, I noticed that I had aged when a Ugandan friend invited me for a party. He’s one of those people who are well-connected, so he somehow knows the whole African population in Cardiff. He’s also always looking for what Ugandan men are always looking for, and I can tell you it’s not matoke. He’s a masters student like me, but it was an undergrad party.
I looked through the Fb guest list. I was looking forward to meeting everyone, well, let’s be honest, to meet Kenyan/African lasses and go to a club that’s not full of farting Brits (they fart in the clubs, at least here in Cardiff).
A lot of Naija names on the guestlist (duh! there are probably more Naijas outside Naija than in Naija #Chineke!) But when you’re in your mid-20’s Nigerians and their aggressive ways are no longer intimidating, what was intimidating/ shocking was all the duck faces I saw on the pictures. The duck face, you.know.that.pose? You puck your lips like you’re kissing the camera and try your best to look a little uneducated. It’s ok to try and be attractive, but if your role model seems to be Nicki Minaj, I say I’m too old to be at that party, so I declined.
But I won’t be too harsh, I started looking at my own photos when I was around that age. I promptly deleted some, locked others and wished I could delete comments that Timeline clearly makes it hard to forget. Most of them were about ‘pimping’. #nocomment
But anyway, my point is, that I have aged. I’m satisfied to be sure about myself, or at least more sure than I was 2 years ago – even if I seem to have more fundamental questions now. I’m pretty satisfied that even without savings and babies (that’s what people my age seem to have), I know what I want, I know how to treat people that matter and to tell them that they matter. I know life throws you curveballs, and you are never really in control, and I definitely know that God is there and I wonder if your Allah is too because otherwise I personally don’t know what other source of hope there is.
I’ve been thinking about the last 2 years because they are almost over. I am almost home to stay, to build, to root. It’s not intimidating anymore because I know what kind of house I want, and there’s a certain urgency about it, time’s not to waste, that’s what I have learned these past 2 years, that and that God has my back.